Six Month Stretch

Okay so I'm a slacker. But hey, you knew this. I'm back to give an update on the bracery. I've made a lot of progress. The gap is now CLOSED! hehe. I'm half way through. I may be able to finish a little early actually since my progress is going so well. Even the doc said he was impressed at how fast things have been coming along. Sorry I didn't keep you well informed but nothing really happened. I've gotten them tightened about every 6 weeks and they put these thing called "e-chains" on that literally look like chains (you can see them on my top 6 teeth) to pull all the front teeth together. They hurt like hell. Anyhoo. thought you'd like to check out my new smile. The next step is getting my bottom teeth pulled in so they fit under my top teeth. Since they pulled the gap closed i've gotten an tiny underbite. Plus they need to make it so the bottom row and top row are centered. So now they have to use rubberbands and stuff to pull the bottom row back and center it. Its such a tedious process but well worth the mucho deniro I invested into it! Enjoy!!

Snap Crackle Pop!!!

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. Yet another side effect of my laziness.

So I've learned that my teeth, like me, are very moody. Especially in the mornings. They get pissed every once in a while and won't allow me to use them to chew. So I've been alternating which side of my mouth to chew on. I wake up in the morning and before I eat breakfast I say "hello teeth.. who's happy today?" Most often its the teeth on my left side that decide to let me have a slice of bread and maybe even a bagel.

There's also been some shaky territory in the front regions of my mouth. By that I mean I can actually feel the teeth move. You know when you lick your lips and you bring the top lip down? When I do that I can actually feel some of my teeth shift inward and there's even little clicking sounds! I asked Dr. Sexy if this was normal and he said yeah cuz the teeth need to be loose in order to move. I'll put up some pics but there isn't a huge difference yet although some people have told me they see "progress". Whatever that means.

I've also been attracting alot of creepy crawly type dudes. This guy whispered to me on the train "you're pretty. but you already knew that. And you gonna look even better when you're done with those braces.. yeah girl. You got it goin on." I just stared at him blankly.

Lately I've been looking at alot of pics of myself and I still can't picture myself without the gap. Anybody out there got some photoshop capabilities? lol. Damn I think I'm really gonna miss it..

Talk soon.

Chey

BBQ Ribs.. are so good, yet so bad.

So I tried to eat ribs on Sunday. It was a challenge.

I thought this might be a bit of a fun experiment. I thought I could find out what works and what doesn't work for future reference. So here's what I did:

At first, I tried to go in at an angle. I turned my head to the side and bit in delicately. This worked ok but so much of it ended up in the braces it was a little disappointing. Next thing I tried was stuffing the whole rib into the side of my mouth and chewing the meat off hahahaha. I'm fully aware of how barbaric I sound. But that worked!!! I look like a beast though so that method will be reserved for eating in solitude. Next I tried l using my bottom teeth to scrape the meat off.. (i know you're thinking why won't this girl use a knife and fork?) that was actually very effective because you get that gratification of tearing the meat off of the bones but again alotttt of it went into the braces. I looked like marsha meat mouth.. gross. Then I finally just cut the meat off in pieces with a knife. This is the best method for public eating but the least gratifying. You know when you eat ribs you gotta get up innn there and get ya hands and ya mouth dirty.. mmmm mmmmm gooooood!!

I miss just chewing things normally. The little things we take for granted. Ugh.. I'm only eating ribs at home.

Moral of the story.. braces suck.

See ya later. Enjoy.

3 Stripes and you're out!!

Hey peeps.

So went back to the dentist yesterday to complain about my striped wire. Apparently the stripes are there to help them "center" the wire. Nice. You would think whoever invented the wire would think of a better way to do that. So I went in there and Dr. Mclovin says "you just love it here don't you?" I was just smiled and said "yup". So I lay back on the seat and start talking to him about how I bit my cheek and that I was really frustrated while trying to eat. He sat there and listened, nodding and saying "uh huh".. At this point it felt more like therapy session. So he tried to convince me only I could see it when looking really close and it was really subtle. My response- "Dr. A, you're messing with my image as a superstar." He burst out laughing. So for the first time he actually looks like he has a personality. Nice. lol.

So he says he has a wire with only one stripe (yay!) BUT.. its a stronger wire so it will be a little tighter on my teeth. Why is beauty so painful?!?! Ugh.. Oh well, I took the new wire. Oh and the Heavy Hand Champion wasn't there so the girl that I really like put in the new wire. I asked her name so I could request her next time. She's really gentle. So when I'm done, she calls the doc to look at it.. and he comes really close to my face to look at the wire... like realllyyy close.. did I mention he's hot? lol

Today my teeth are hurting thanks to the tighter wire, I guess that's what I get for being so vain. Back to the advil and ramen noodles for now. Be back soon. Enjoy.

Braces- Buy the whole set!

So here's an update on visit #2--

I walk in and the first person I see is Dr. Hotness!! Whew.. I don't know if its because I cleaned my glasses or he was just well rested but homeboy looked good. You know how doctors wear a suit but the tie isn't tied and they look all professional but casual?? LOL yeah. I know I'm practically married but a girl can look right?? Anyways I found out he's married with a 2yr old little girl.. whomp.

So when I walk in I smile and I look at him and ask "so you ready to torture me doctor?" (I know I'm an ass) He replies.. "I'll be really gentle, I promise".. yeahhhh.. hahahahaha

Okay so I get in the chair and at first I really annoyed because I get a different girl working on me and I really like the last one.. I like to stick with the same people for everything. Hair, nails, obgyn, general doctor, boyfriend.. lol.. everything. I didn't want to offend her though so I just let it be. Big mistake.. she was sooo rough on me. I had to move that tube thingy that sucks ur spit out because she jammed into the side of my mouth and it was hurting me. I think Dr. Hottie saw me squirming because he eventually came over and said "I got it".. I immediately calm down once he starts working. He jokes with me. Ms. Rough Hands just sits there. Its all good.

They put these molar bands around my back teeth which is why I had the "spacers".. the spacers make room for them to put the bands. It all makes sense now. yay. lol. Then he put the brackets on the rest then the wire and ligs (rubber rings). I got white ligs this time because apparently they don't stain as fast. we shall see. The stupid receptionist is drinking coffee. I'm so jealous. ugh. My bite feels really really weird. Like I'm not biting down all the way.. its awkward.

I need to learn how to eat alll over again.. not that I was doing really well before. If you remember, I almost killed myself with a cracker. So I came home and ate and I bit my cheek twice.. it hurts. I get pissed. I give up. I realize I really have to be careful and figure out what I'm doing wrong.. or maybe I need to slow down and stop shoveling food in. That might work as well.

I look in the mirror to clean things up and I notice that on my top wire, there are these little 3 stripes.. like 3 markings. Its weird. I hate it. It begins to annoy me. So I call up the doctor and I tell him, he says come in and he will look at it. I'm going to make them change the wire, I don't care what the marks are but they look weird. Its bad enough I gotta adjust to the braces, now they got stripes. No. That won't work. So back I go to torture them this time. I'm also going to specifically request that they not let that chick with the hulk hogan hands lay a finger on me.

Lets see.. I think thats it for now. I'll let you know if they give me a hard time about changing the wire. (they better not). Here's some pics of the braces with white ligs and the molar bands- the green stuff around the molar bands is the "cement" they use to bond it to your teeth. I also tried to take a pic of my striped wire ugh.. Enjoy.

Death by hors d'oeuvres

A quick story for the beasts who feed on blogs.

So the company I work for has this client who threw a party in Times Square. Nobody wanted to attend so I decided to take one for the team and represent for our firm. I also roped my colleague into going too. He's around the same age as me and we always have a good time drinking free booze and feasting on hor d'oeuvres at these types of events. So we show up and there's this whole wine tasting theme which is cool. I try the white wine and it sucks.. I'm pretty pissed because the red wine will def stain my braces so I can't taste it. I do however, score a glass of champagne!! Nice. It was the good stuff too.

I spot the first tray of treats coming out of the kitchen and get ready to dig in. I keep a little mirror on hand just in case I need to get things out of my teeth lol. So the waitress brings out a little tray of mini burgers. I'm not sure if you know but these things are a HUGE hit at any corporate event, they are soo good. So the poor waitress gets bombarded with hungry analysts and traders. I swoop in just in time to grab the last mini burger. She turns back to the kitchen defeated, she never made it to the middle of the room.


So my colleague and I post up near the kitchen and decide we'll just take the treats as each waitress passes through. There were about 15 other people with the same master plan. The servers soon wisened up and began holding the trays high above their head and speed walking past us to get to the people on the other side of the room. We let them get away as long as it wasn't with mini burgers. (One guy grabbed the waitresses' arm and snapped up the mini burger in a vulture- esque fashion. Yes, its that serious)

So out came these little tuna things on crackers. It was like a thin crispy wafer type cracker. It looked good.. nice and bite size. I popped it in my mouth.. chewed twice.. swallow.. then it started. I didn't chew it enough.. a piece of the damn cracker when down my throat.. and it was scratching the crap out of my espophagus.. I could feel it going all the way down. The thing with the spacers in the back of my teeth is.. it makes it hard to really chew the way you're supposed to. I had pretty much given up on chewing and my main goal this past week is to just get food in my belly. So I run to the bathroom thinking that I just tore my throat open with a cracker and I start to gag a little (i know gross) then it goes down. I convince myself that my stomach acid will desolve the cracker. I rinse with listerine they had in the ladies room, vanilla mint.. good stuff. Back to the party I go.

So thats the long drawn out story of the lesson I learned : chew your food!

Going back to Ortho Wed. I'll let you know what Dr. Hottie says.
Peace.

Feedback on adult braces

I just want to quickly address a few responses I've gotten to my braces.

Response #1- "You're 26, you've had the gap your whole life, why now?"
Response #2- "You look fine why are doing this?"
Response #3- "You should be comfortable with the gap by now."

I'll address all three of these because they all annoyed me for different reasons.

First, I'm 26 not 76. Yeah I'm not 15 yrs old but since when are people not allowed to get braces after 21 yrs old? Is there a law that says once you're legally of age to drink you're banned from braces as well? Yes indeed I have had this gap my entire life and I've loved it dearly. I've always cherished my smile and felt it fit my character perfectly. That being said I still don't appreciate the assumption that I'm "too old" to do anything. It almost had the same condescending tone that an older lady would use on a 17 year old mom."you're too young to have a baby!" she'd say pointing her crinkly finger.. Listen, people do many things at ages that society deems inappropriate - from having sex to drinkin liquor -but I don't think getting braces falls into that category. Lets get real.

Second, I know I look fine. The comment "you look fine" assumes that I don't think I look fine. Wrong again bitches. I know look fine duhhh.. Anyone that knows me knows how narcissistic I am lol. I'm the epitomy of self-love and conceit. And rightly so, I'm fly. You know it and I know it. lollll.. Ok maybe that's not always a good thing, but its who I've always been.

Lastly, I was always comfortable with the gap, which is why I've always had a big ass smile on my face.. and that is definitely not the reason why its being closed.

Let me explain. The real reason I'm closing it is because I know what the gap will become. I've inherited this trait from my mother. My mother is now 51 years old. She, like me, enjoyed her beautiful smile through her teens, twenties and even early thirties. She was absolutely stunning! (Thats where I get it from lol) But as she got older, the gap got wider... and wider... and WIDER. Now it looks.. how do I say.. not that great. lol. Don't get me wrong, she's still very pretty but its just not flattering like it used to be. Inevitably, this will be me. Genetics are funny like that. And while I could wait until I'm forty to get braces (wonder what people would say then!) instead I am going to avoid the whole widening process and I've decided prevention is the best solution.

Finally, I say to all the people who have served up these ridiculous responses, think about what you're saying before making comments like that to anyone. Because like all things in life, there's always more to a story than what meets the eye. My daddy always said.. When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me... then again in this case the only asses are you.. not me. haha.. I shall return soon with more stories of toothaches, until then... Enjoy.

Braces - Day 1

Okay so day one was nerve racking. I sat there at the dentist thinking "I can't believe I'm going to do this!" I saw a bunch of little kids running around all braced out so I was pretty sure I could deal... I'm 26 right? Well I went in there and they had these young women ready to put on my "brackets". She looked about my age which made me comfortable because she was cool and she started explaining what she'd do next. I also felt really uncomfortable because she was my age and she was really cool. haha. The stupid dentist was walking around "supervising".

Lets talk about my Orthodontist Dr. A for a second. First, he's very hot. The first time I met him, I was slightly distracted by his hotness and I may have even been more swayed to get braces because the thought of looking at this man every six weeks seemed kinda worth it. Then I started talking to him. He's really socially awkward and I'm not sure how he became a doctor. Don't they teach doctors how to speak to patients? He's not reassuring at all, he doesn't explain things clearly, he has no personality and the only time I'm not annoyed is when he's not speaking. That said, he's still veryyyy hot. I also ripped him a new asshole for not telling me about these "spacers" they were going to put in between the back of my teeth. I like how they always leave out the shitty parts of the whole braces process. His response to my cursing him out: he stared at the ground and says "I'm sorry, don't hate me". WTF kinda doctor is that? Jeez. Punkass. I have a feeling me and him are gonna have it out over the next 12-16 months.. oh yeah and he originally told me it would take 18 months so who knows. . (I secretly like abusing him.. is that sick?)

Anyway back to the braces .. She cleans my teeth then puts on glue and sticks the brackets on. The all mighty Dr. A comes over to make sure they're centered and perfect then the lovely lady dries the glue and sticks the wires in and tightennnss the crap out of my six front teeth. Its not over yet though. She asks the doc if I need "spacers" or "seperators" and he says yes and walks out of the room. I stop her and yell for him to "get back in here" and proceed to put dude through the ringer. The two assistants giggle. Next she sticks these metal things in between my back teeth and it feels like i have food stuck in between my teeth. She tells me I can't take them out for two weeks. Its awful. I walk out and Dr. A tries to smile at me. I roll my eyes but smile when I turn my back. Back to the bronx I go.. I was starvinggg! I tried to eat rice and beans my boyfriend bought from the Spanish spot.. It was hard to chew but I basically swallowed it down. Off to bed. Still no pain just alot of weird pressure..